Well, another year is over! It seems kind of impossible to think. It's been a really full year. Tanner left on his mission, came back, we got married...I'm now living in a new place for the first time in my life...
But, I have not yet accomplished what so many of my peers have accomplished as of right now. I have not graduated college.
I did graduate high school, though! Two years ago. I was one of a class of (I believe) 30 or so students, and our graduation lasted OVER THREE HOURS.
Graduations are all entirely ceremony anyway. That's why they play "Pomp and Circumstance" when you walk across the stage or into the auditorium. If we're being honest, if you're cleared for graduation and you're walking, you're really just being generous for your loved ones. You graduated.
I almost wish I had sluffed my high school graduation. We had three keynote speakers and an overabundance of performers. Which, in a performing arts school, having a lot of performers is kind of expected That's not to say that the performances weren't good; each performer was so talented, but everything added up to three and a half hours. For thirty kids. And three hours, wearing those hideous grow-your-own swamp ceremonial robes in a stuffy auditorium, rapidly became more like torture than a celebration of, "Look! You've completed all your credits and passed the ACT! You're eligible!"
Every time we thought the ceremony was done, something else would pop up. I distinctly remember hearing groans when we thought we were done, but then sweet freedom was robbed from us by a slideshow of our baby pictures.
And then, the principle gave us all a book, which was actually kind of the crowning insult. It was a child's book called "ISH."
"I look out at you, and I remember you all singing-ish and dancing-ish and acting-ish in the hallways..." the Principal said.
As if we only did things halfheartedly, and what we did do, we weren't really good at. I went to an after party, and I congratulated everyone for graduating-ISH.
The next year's graduating class did things much smarter than we did. They had a preshow for the performers, two performances during graduation, and one keynote speaker. It lasted maybe for a grand total of 45 minutes. And, I think they even got a better kids' book out of that deal.
Graduations would be better with a little less ceremony and a lot more to the point. Personally, here's what I wish I had heard at my graduation, in order:
-Welcome all!
-Congrats on graduating. We recognize you and your accomplishments. Nice job, we realize it wasn't easy to get here. As such, we won't keep you here long.
-Life is maybe kind of scary sometimes. But don't be too scared. Go to college, think for yourself, and you'll be fine.
-That college thing? Not as nightmarish as your teachers and councilors make it sound. Just get used to working hard and again, you'll be fine.
-Don't be afraid to fail, as long as you use failure as a jumping point. In fact, go home and listen to JK Rowling's Commencement speech. Save some time here.
-Now, come get your diplomas and go live your life.
To my graduating friends, here's my last advice:
Because, under those robes, if you skip the deodorant, people will be able to tell. Ergo, it's common sense to wear deodorant.
And (more importantly) if you skip common sense in life, you'll end up with a lot worse than BO. So, go forth and conquer. Save the world. All that stuff.
& That's elementary.
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