Why I'll always be a proud feminist.

I'm going to approach this like an A.A. meeting.

Hi, my name is Hilary, and I've had an eating disorder/seeing my own body disorder since I was in kindergarten. Neither my mom nor I really know where this came from; before that I had been a happy, confident, healthy kid, but one day I came home in a real state, thinking I was fat, and it only escalated from there. I have distinct memories of pushing my stomach as hard as I could against the edge of a bookshelf, trying to make it shrink (this was still in kindergarten). I slept with a pillow rolled up under my stomach because I hoped maybe that would make it smaller (still in Kindergarten). I graduated from Kindergarten and was more or less eating regularly until sixth grade because I was homeschooled, and my mom took good care of me. Then, meals were skipped or eaten as little as possible; and in 9th grade I went into full-fledged anorexia. At my lowest, I weighed 110 pounds and I was just about as tall as I am now.

I'm only just starting to get over it, and even then I have my days where the fact that I currently weigh 125 scares me to death. Tanner's played a huge part in this (since he found out I wasn't eating when we started dating last year, and that I weighed 115 lbs and dropping at 5'8" tall), as has my mom. It's been off and on for 12 years of my life; that's well over half. For that much of my life I've been tortured, and tortured myself, because I'm not "thin" enough, not "pretty" enough for society to acknowledge my looks.

I can hide it really, really well. The only time people really suspected something was up is when they noticed how thin I was. And that was when my mom gave me an ultimatum, and she gave it in as loving a way as possible: stop it or treatment. So I stopped not eating temporarily, but I still had that blasted body image. I realize how lucky I am that I have loving family members who stopped me before I needed more serious treatments from weighing below 100 pounds.

I am telling this to emphasize one of the contradictions inside of the being that is Hilary: While I have spent 12 years of my life trying to fit into society's mold of what's perfect, I also have a fervent belief in the strength, importance and general awesomeness and badassery of my sex.

(*language alert: when I get passionate, especially about sociology/gender roles/women's rights, I cuss a little.*)

I heard it once said that women are the world's most under-valued resource. I could not find this to be more true.

Don't believe me? Call me crazy (Ooh, that'd be a good variation on the Carly Rae Jeppson phenomenon)?  Well, it has been said that men are a little afraid of women in power. OK, make that very afraid of women in power. Think about these two examples:

1). Joan of Arc, symbol of the French Revolution, leader, warrior, visionary--burned at stake. Portrayed as a whore/harpy for much of history (shame on Shakespeare). Only canonized fairly recently by the Catholic Church. Men feared her power; tried to rape her while she was imprisoned before her death. She took to wearing slacks because the lacings made it harder for men to take advantage of her.

2). Cleopatra. Ruler, queen of Egypt. Famous for her sexual escapades, she also happened to be clever. Very, very clever. And she also happened to be an astute politician. She intimidated a great number of Roman men, because Roman women were less than property and nameless until they married. One Roman philosopher in particular--Cicero I believe--particularly hated her. Probably because she wouldn't sleep with him. Anyway, how has she gone down in history? Whore, harlot, and femme fatale (when in ACTUALITY, her looks were the least intriguing thing about her. Her intelligence was what was attractive and seductive. But men can't handle that, so she's characterized historically as someone who only maintains her rule because she takes her clothes off).

I only gave two because there are so many women who are powerful and have been feared. Eleanor of Aquitaine, Eleanor Roosevelt, Susan B. Anthony, Margaret Sanger, Abigail Adams, Jane Addams, Margaret Fuller...

Here is some more evidence in support of my argument:

Oh yeah, things have gotten better, but they still aren't exactly GREAT for women here in the US.

Men don't like the idea of women in power. They haven't for centuries. Millennia. Eons.

I'm not saying men are bad. I'm not one of THOSE feminists that rages against men and will threaten any male she meets with castration. I LIKE men. Men are my friends. Men are smart. Men are necessary. I married a man, didn't I? I'm a daughter of a man! I try not to be one of those earnest, droning feminists that lectures somebody in the rain about Amelia Earheart (thank you, Tana French).  I like men. There are many wonderful, awesome, funny men. I could name some of them for you if you like, just to prove that I am not a crazy, droning feminist.

1) My husband, Tanner. He thinks it's funny when I get on an ultra feminist soapbox, but he does understand that women are important, and that it's not a question of men being BETTER than women, just different.

2) Shout out to Johnathan! This guy is awesome. He works at the Rape Recovery Center, and is as much of a feminist as I am!

3) John Green. His statement about nerd girls is on my top 10 best quotes EVER. And he's smart, super funny, and replaced the words of a rap song with Romantic poets. What's not to like?

4) John Stewart. Say what you will about his satire, he's dang awesome. I would be friends with him.

5) My friend Liz's husband, Nephi! He seems like such a genuine, nice, awesome person. And, he also helped me during that awful day on the way home from Tanner's farewell.

6) Mr. Gardner!

7) Mr. Bracken!

8) Brian Regan! Gotta appreciate comics!

9) Jimmy Stewart! I love that man! He was so gentle. You don't have to be a fan of his acting to appreciate how good of a person he was.

10) Bill Gates! Look how he treats his wife! and he's a bona fide genius! and...rich too.

The problem is not just with men (or rather, SOME men who control social media in a negative way towards women). The problem is with women, too. Women are all too willing to try to bend and stretch and scrape and inflate (or deflate) ourselves and our various parts to try to fit into the social construction of beautiful.

The scary part is how young it starts. I can say it because I am that girl. I know so many who are that girl.

*Explicit language ahead alert*: This is one of the best ways I have heard it put, and it was put so eloquently by my own best friend Sahara. This meme has been particularly popular on the interwebs.

In response to it, my lovely friend wrote this:


"I am fairly certain that putting down one body type in order to uplift another is just plain wrong. Yes, that swimsuit picture of Marilyn is sexy. But so is the skinny woman that is often pictured next to her with a caption "fuck society," and as is every body type in between. Commenting on someone's weight is rude, even if it's to mention how much they've lost and that they now look great, because it is a perpetuation of the idea that one body type is better than another, and that thinness equates to beauty. The key here is to stop linking weight to beauty and self-worth, period. Not bashing someone to be too thin because you yourself feel overweight, or the other way around. If the goal of those pictures, which appear to have exploded all over the internet, was really to stick the middle finger at society, they would be commenting on how both bodies have their own beauty, rather than perpetuating the ridiculous idea that in order to feel beautiful someone else must be ugly. Actually considering all women of all different weights to be attractive is what would actually throw society a curve ball, not continuing the petty backbiting over image that has been going on for decades."

I love having smart people for friends!

I am a feminist, then, because I see myself entranced in the trappings of society, fussing about my body image and how many ounces more I weigh from one day to the next, and I WANT OUT. I am a feminist because I don't want to be just an object. I want to be appreciated for WHO I AM, all of me, especially the fact that I am smart and funny as well as pretty.  I am a feminist because I want to raise my future daughter to know that she doesn't have to be a porn star to be worthwhile, and that there is more to her life than being some man's sex toy. I want her to know that she is beautiful the way she is, and that smarts are more than just valuable, they are essential, they are priceless. I want her to know that, because one day I came home from kindergarten and my whole body image was changed, and with that the course of my life took some very poisonous turns. I am a feminist because I WANT women to be utilized politically. For Pete's sake, really, is a smart, well informed woman president of the United States too much to ask? And when we get one, can people please treat her with RESPECT?

 I want my voice to be heard. I want to vocalize my thoughts on issues that are important to our country, and to our world. I don't CARE if this sounds hippie-dippie. Lastly, I want to love myself and my body for what it is, not for what society thinks it should be. 34B bust, 125lbs, bigish nose, 26 inch waist, problem skin, and all. I even want to like the chicken skin on my elbows.

We talk about oppression of women by many other cultures. What we don't realize, is that we are doing it here, in America, still, right now in 2012. If this doesn't disturb you a little, it SHOULD.

(And, guys that get off on women being objectified in pornography/whatever else? Those women are someone else's daughters. If you have a daughter, think about how you'd feel about some stranger getting off on her tits/naked body.)

&That's Elementary.

For further information, PLEASE WATCH:

I know they look like porn, but that's the point. They illustrate how yucky society really is when it comes to depicting women.

Do you want your daughters to feel this way? Because I can guarantee, a lot of them do.

I did.

If you watched both the videos, and read the quote, you get a gold star and I love you. Sorry for this post being so long.